All of us find ourselves in a spot like this.
And to tell you the truth, I’ve had keen observations on women who go through the ordeal of dealing with a partner who blows hot and cold.
And what I’ve always found is that somewhere deep down, they know the solution but just don’t act on it.
So, listen, I’ll tell you what to do when a guy acts cold towards you, but the more important thing is not to know these solutions.
It’s to remember these things when the stuff goes down.
Keep it together, remember, and act accordingly.
The situation will ease out each and every time.
What Is The Problem With Him?
So, what’s the problem with him?
In clearer words, what makes him alternate between moods so often?
Why is he very warm towards you and receptive of your feelings when you’re on a date, but so cold and far away at certain other times?
The answer is, there is no problem.
You cannot “fix” this problem because there is nothing to fix.
You cannot chase the problem, pin it down, come up with a strategy, and fix it forever.
It’s better to admit to yourself that he could be moody.
It’s not a broken behavior but human behavior.
And you can’t fix what’s not broken.
So, stop trying to get your man all fixed up.
If he blows hot and cold often, it’s part of his nature.
The solution isn’t a fix.
But the solution isn’t adapting yourself to that behavior either, as this piece might be indicating.
I don’t preach adaptation in this situation.
Adaptation would be equivalent to mental abuse and terror here.
The true solution is acknowledging what makes us human.
Moodiness is human, it’s not for anyone to fix.
Are Only Shy Women A Prey To This?
No. Not at all.
The most confident and powerful woman on earth could still fall in love with a man who blows hot and cold, and she still wouldn’t be able to manage it as well.
It’s just natural, it’s hard to deal with.
Any woman can start worrying when he’s not responding the right way or is seeming very distant all of a sudden.
It’s okay to worry.
But it’s not okay to take drastic steps to sort the problem out.
Is He A Player?
Now, this is a more relevant question in this context.
Your first question should not be whether he loves you or not and then worry about it all day long.
The first question that you need a solid answer for is whether he’s a player or not.
Players are usually men who simply play with you.
It’s for fun.
They might be too attentive, caring, charming, and very much into you.
But the next time you meet them once you’ve had sex, they seem distant.
I guess any woman can tell if she’s being used.
The right thing to do here is admitting it to yourself and moving on.
Not every man is suitable for a long-term relationship.
Let go and stop worrying.
It won’t work if he’s a player.
Sometimes, you can also judge whether he’s a player or not by his initial flirting style or when you see him around other women.
Be attentive and don’t rush things.
Don’t invest a lot of emotions if you happen to get yourself affectionate about a man like that.
There are other kinds of players as well.
Although generally, you won’t be categorizing them as such, it’s really the same breed.
- If a man’s thrill is gone by being with you for a while and as a result, instead of trying to make things better, he starts looking for someone better – he’s still a player. His next partner won’t be any more successful than you were.
- Also, men who “keep their options open” while dragging you along either as an option to fall back to or simply for their own pleasure should be left.
Related: The Power Of Walking Away From A Man
How To Deal With A Man Who Is Hot And Cold
The rest of the piece will follow the more real problem: men who are not players but have alternating moods.
1. Short Cold Phases: Wait It Out
Usually, when a guy suddenly goes cold on you, he might seem distant for a while.
It’s like a phase.
You should wait it out.
It’s not rare when men blow cold while engaging in something they love.
It could be something they’re very passionate about.
In that case, don’t try to understand why he loves that or be a partner in that activity.
It almost always backfires.
What you need to do is ignore him for that time period.
Dedicate that time to yourself.
Rest assured, he will come back to you after a while.
Men usually go through these phases when they feel they’re better left alone but don’t have the heart to say it out loud.
You will learn to pick this mood up soon with your man, just give it some time.
Sometimes, if they suddenly become cold and distant without you having done anything, it might be something in the past.
And my experience tells me that it’s something in the very recent past.
You might not know what was it.
But it might simply be because he hasn’t told you about something that makes his mood go off.
Don’t worry, he’ll tell you when the time is right.
Be understanding and leave him alone.
Although don’t make it look like you’re coldly ignoring him or are angry at him.
It makes the situation worse.
Give him some time by engaging in something for yourself.
Let him know that you’re always there.
A quick “I’ll be there if you need me” might be a good idea.
To make it more natural, lead with “I’m doing [activity], just ask if you need anything.”
2. Long Cold Phases: Keep Calm
It’s important to be understanding if you can’t imagine losing that idiot.
Your man will make mistakes and apologize for it, but what’s more frustrating than that is he’ll be distant for long periods of time and come back to you again in an apologetic manner.
The mantra here is: don’t let him go.
Don’t make him reach the point where he feels like he should go.
It might not be easy for you to think clearly and keep your mind calm.
Insecurities and depression often follow the period of coldness from your man.
But try to do it.
And it might actually sound like rubbish when I say it, but try meditation or yoga for improvement in this space.
If he starts blowing cold on you, don’t react by being angry or counting his faults.
The more precise you are in counting the mistakes he’s been making, the angrier he gets.
This makes him more prone to undergo a long period of distance from you.
He might even start thinking of alternatives. Don’t let him do that.
3. Stop Asking These Questions
Play it cool and always try to stop asking these questions if you find yourself obsessing over why isn’t he responding, or responding well enough, to give him some time:
- Pretty obviously, “Why is he not contacting me?”
- “What is he doing?”
- “What did I do wrong?”
- And, “What to do to get his attention back?”
4. Try Not To Be So Affected When He Comes Back
One of the reasons why we go through a lot of trouble when men become distant is because we feel so relieved when they come back.
It’s an adrenaline rush and we feel so relieved as a result.
Try to not be so affected by that emotional high and rather focus on building your relationship further.
5. Reward Him And Do Favors
This might sound counterintuitive, but as human beings, we are naturally inclined towards respect for people who reward us.
Also, if you do him small favors, it’s a psychological principle that he’ll be willing to do you a bigger favor if you need it or ask for it.
These techniques build your relationship further as well.
When you reward him along the way regardless of his coldness, your selflessness will make him think more about you.
And if you do small favors for him, he’ll be thinking of returning the favors.
Both these things will help you guys network better and understand each other better: thus, making the episodes of distant coldness shorter and rarer.
The only problem here is that you cannot create a situation where he needs a favor or where you might reward him.
Further, if he’s already distant and blowing cold, what could he possibly do to deserve a reward from you?
I think two things can make it a little easier for you:
- Always reward him beforehand. Keep practicing rewarding. If he takes you on a date that you loved, always reward him for it. The nature of your rewarding depends on you. It could be a simple text or a position that he loves above all. Now, when he blows cold on you, he will remember your rewards soon afterward.
- You can still clean his stuff, wash his clothes, prepare food for him, and do countless other things that might count as favors. But don’t expect anything in return. Don’t be like “Here’s food. I prepared it for you and it took two hours!” Order something that he likes and leave it there. When he finds it while watching his favorite sport and enjoys his time, he’ll look around. But you won’t have the look of someone who is expecting commendation for it. You do it selflessly. And that will work like magic.
And ultimately, there are things that you can actually do when he’s on a distant phase.
These might not be easy and might require you to go past your ego.
Tell his friends how nice he is.
Kiss him when he doesn’t expect it.
Look him in the eyes and just smile when he doesn’t expect you to do so.
His heart will melt.
6. Be The Ultimate Karma: Become Hard To Get
This requires a lot of work and not everyone is up to it.
Although most woman knows how to play hard to get, they fail to attempt it with men they love.
If he blows cold and becomes hard to get, it’s only natural that you should attempt that too if everything else fails.
When your man blows cold, you instead start getting nervous.
The next step is finding out ways to fix his behavior.
Well, maybe it’s about time you upped your game and became hard to get.
There is no training that you need to do that.
Here are a few points to keep in mind, however:
- Stop appearing as a needy person. What this means is that you should stop relying on him for solving your problems. It’ll be worth it.
- Make your outings more mysterious. A few times he might not ask where you’ve been. But when he does, simply answer that you were out with some people you know. If he asks specifics, divulge parts of information and make it look harmless for him. Because remember, you’re not trying to get him to worry about a potential affair, you simply want him to know that you can enjoy your time without him.
- Stop being accessible. You can start ignoring a hot and cold guy by reading his messages from the drop-down. Focus on something else. Catch up with your friends and pick up some hobbies to stay away from the internet more often.
- Keep your plans hanging on fate. In case you guys make any plans, make sure you don’t commit fully to it. “Maybe,” “not sure,” “we’ll decide later,” etc. are good options. But surely, you can’t say that just like that. You will come off as uninterested instead. So, keep yourself busy.
And if he’s genuinely making plans, then your magic might have already worked and now it’s time to enjoy the time.
But if your gut feeling is that this is not really a comeback for him, keep at it.
If you become hard to get, he will come around quickly.
So, what to do when a man blows hot and cold?
If your man is not a player, there’s nothing wrong with him that you can fix to make his cold, distant phases end.
A good thing to do is give him time and ignore him if his phases are short.
Pick up some hobbies and catch up with friends instead.
If his phases are longer, then try to be understanding and keep calm about it.
Rewarding him, doing him favors, becoming hard to get, not asking questions like “why doesn’t he reply?” or “what’s wrong with him”, and not being affected a lot when he does come back actually improve the way things are with you two.
A special note if you try becoming hard to get: It’s a good way of making him come back.
But if he repeats the process, then there is only so much stamina that you can spare on this.
There is no point in having to become hard to get every time your man blows cold.
It’s time to either wait it out, play it cool, or leave him and move on.
The choice is really up to you.
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